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Friday, August 01, 2008

Douche!!!

Happy Friday everyone!!!

Well it's officially the weekend. I'm feeling quite nice after drinking 151. Thus I feel like shitting on people this evening. In this inebriated state of drunken honesty, I will touch upon the topic of a certain demographic that we encounter when we are out and about town partying, dancing, drinking, etc... I will be discussing on the demographic of "douche," or "douchebags."

A "douchebag" is a metrosexual of any race/color who clings onto tacky fads, maintains a somewhat gangsta persona, comes from an affluent background, and is frequently seen in clubs, bars, and lounges posing, and dancing like a dumb jock at a frat party. These are the same douchebags that show up to your favorite hip-hop show, DJ set, and clubnight, not knowing anything about the DJ and the tracks that the DJ is spinning. They are simply taking up space and air and incessantly bumping into you while they hop around with drinks.

Oftentimes, a douchebag is seen wearing wack garments by Ed Hardy,Affliction, and Christian Audigier. Douchebags frequently wear "rock" and "biker" t-shirts, and long-sleeve tees that are glittery. Douchebags wear dress shirts with flower-patterned stitches, and have medieval-letter embroidings. One of the most common/favorite jeans that douchebags wear are by True Religion (you know those uglyass jeans with back-pockets and pocketflaps bigger than your entire ass combined).

A douchebag is a hybrid of an euro-trash mixed with an ounce of jock and MMA/UFC. It is the modern day "guido." There are the "bridge-and-tunnel" douchebags from Jersey and Staten Island with uglyass cufflinks. There are the hairy Italian-wannabe Afghan douchebags from the DC area that consistently use hand gestures when talking while spreading armpit B.O at the clubs. There are Armenian and Persian douchebags in L.A wearing Tiesto T-shirts. Kids, trance is not cool anymore!!! It is 2008!!! There are black douchebags that are a cross-breed between Jim Jones and Taye Diggs. Confused bipolarass cats with chain hanging to the side of their jeans. Asian douchebags with Rock Republics, frosted spikes, and uglyass shades that they wear even during nighttime. Yes you know who you are. Always at 1015 Folsom and Le Circle... White Ryan Seacrest wannabe douchebags with perfectly sculpted hair that pose with "two fingers" hanging in front of Katsuya.

I'm sure you are asking yourself: Mr. Kangbang whats up with all this hate? What did these people ever do to you? And why is this topic even in this music blog? Well, besides polluting public nightlife spots in your local area with their unctuous used-car salesmen persona, douchebags listen to horrible music!!! Also, if they DO listen to good music, they totally kill the cool and underground factor by hopping on its dick like them Von DOUCHE trucker caps and tees.

To celebrate the douchebag lifestyle I am posting the ultimate douchebag anthem list:

Stronger by Kanye West

Any track by Chris Brown and Ray J

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